How to Get Your Child to Listen - Tools Aren't Working
Over the last several weeks we have talked about “how to get our children to listen.” When we want our children to listen, we tend to focus on what we want or need for our child to do, but instead our focus should be on listening to them also. When we show our children respect by acknowledging their feelings or putting ourselves in their shoes, they are more likely to cooperate, listen and respect us in return.
Trust me, I know there will be times when you will fall short of these new skills (I do too!). You’re tired or hungry, you’ve asked your child to put their shoes on 7 times and shoes still aren’t on, you are concerned how you’re going to buy groceries this week, or your in-laws are coming in town and your house looks like a toy volcano erupted. You might want to or will revert back to your old ways of getting your child to listen (been there, done that). But the good news is, you can always ask for a redo! It’s even good for your children to see that you make mistakes—this shows them that when they make mistakes it’s ok because mistakes can be fixed.
So, when the tools aren’t working or the stressors of everyday life become too overwhelming take some time to recover and regroup. When we get angry, mad, or upset our hormones flood our body, our heart rate increases, and our blood pressure increases. We can’t make rational decisions. Our bodies need a chance to cool off and balance out. Take that time so you can be a better listener and communicator.
The same thing happens when our children get angry, mad, or upset—their hormones, heart rate, and blood pressure elevate too. Allow them the opportunity to cool off when they get mad. Allow them to take a break in their room, run laps around the house, punch a pillow, or even go outside and scream at the top of their lungs. Once they have had a chance to reset, then they will be more receptive to listening.
After you and your child have had a chance to cool off, go back to acknowledging their feelings. Showing a child you understand their feelings helps them feel secure and validated. However, sometimes a child is still too distraught to receive empathy. So if that is the case, they might just need you to sit with them silently or provide them with a comforting hug. (Sometimes we need the same thing as adults.)
So, when the tools won’t work just remember to press the reset button. Allow all parties a chance to cool down. Acknowledge feelings or give a warm hug. And then try the tools again.
How to Get Your Child to Listen - Acknowledge Feelings
How to Get Your Child to Listen - Cooperation
How to Get Your Child to Listen - Resolving Conflicts
