How to Get Your Child to Listen - Praise and Appreciation
Have you ever received a compliment or praise for something you are doing, but instead of feeling proud of your work you feel self-conscious? You start to question the motives behind the compliment or worry that you might mess up the task from which you were receiving praise. Anyone else…or just me?
Did you know that your children can feel that way too after they receive praise? It’s true. Not all praise makes them feel sunshine and butterflies. Some praise makes them feel more frustration or unworthy of the praise. There are ways to help children know we appreciate them and their hard efforts without making them feel awkward. Want to know how?
Tools for Effective Praise
1. Describe What You See. Has your 2 year old ever brought you a drawing that they created? They are so proud of it, but really it looks like the box of crayons exploded on the paper. Instead of saying, “This is the most beautiful picture I have ever seen. You always draw great pictures.” Try saying, “I see you used a lot of blue over here. Can you tell me what you drew that is blue?” This shows your child that you noticed their work and that they don’t have to live up to the expectation of drawing great pictures every time.
2. Describe the Effect on Others. Sometimes our children surprise us with super sweet gestures like offering to hang up everyone’s clothes after you put them on hangers or helping their brother and sister get shoes on while you finish packing lunches. In these situations, describe how your child’s actions were helpful and appreciated.
3. Describe Effort. There are times when our children study really hard and make a good grade on a test or they work really hard on a project and get a great grade. In these instances we feel proud of our children and the grade they received! However, when our children bring home rockstar grades it’s best that we praise them for the effort they put into earning that grade. Praise them for the time they spent studying; the hard work they put into creating the project; the time spent practicing their speech. It’s been proven that children that are praised for being smart don’t try as hard to prevent from disappointing parents/teachers with failure, but children whose effort is praised are willing to try more challenging things.
4. Describe Progress. You might have a child that struggles in school, frustrated they aren’t learning to ride a bike as quickly as their friends, or needs a nudge to finish cleaning up toys help provide them some encouragement or praise. To help push them forward in their endeavors, point out the progress that has been made from them. Note the things they have achieved to get where they are now. Then you can explain what is left to do to reach their accomplishment.
Remember, that even when you try the above tools for effective praises, frustration could still loom. If that’s the case, acknowledge your child’s feelings. Then try to paint a picture of their abilities possibly with a story of them where they previously mastered the skill. What child doesn’t love hearing stories of themself?! This helps them realize that they are competent!
