Steps to be Foster Parents
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If you have ever had an inkling to adopt/be a foster family or my previous blogs have sparked an interest in your heart to consider this journey. Here are the steps you will need to take to become foster parents:
Pray! Take some time to talk about it with your husband. Pray about it together and pray about it separately. Take time to listen to what God is telling both of you.
Talk to other foster families. Get their input on this journey. Hear about the highs and lows, the lessons they learned, things they would do differently, or things they recommend doing.
Talk to your children (if they are old enough, 3+ years old). You don’t have to let your children in on this decision, but this was a big family commitment and we wanted them onboard before we said “yes.” So, we sat each of our children down together and individually to talk about this journey we felt led to take. Over many conversations we explained our intentions, what it might be like with new siblings, what ages they were comfortable with, what genders they were hoping for, any conflicts they thought might arise, where the children would sleep, how things would be different, and all the things in between. Our children appreciated that we respected them enough to get their input. A few times we were told “no” to this journey, but they eventually came around—they were scared that their lego creations would get destroyed, but we solved that problem.
Find a private agency you trust. It’s probably best to go with a recommendation from a foster family that you know. But again, I can’t recommend using a private agency enough. They care about the foster parents just as much as the foster children. They will be your advocate and support throughout this process. Private agencies receive all of the same children in need of a home as DFCS, so there no shortage of children needing a loving, safe home.
Start learning. Through the private agency you will be required to complete so many hours of training. These are beneficial, however, I would suggest learning on your own as well. You can find many great podcasts or books that will help you to understand children coming from tough places a little more. I recommend reading The Connected Child, The Connected Parent, The A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting or Good Inside (These are also great relationship books for parenting your own children.) or listening to TBRI Podcast or The Honestly Adoption Podcast.
Gather all important documents. You will need SO many documents to complete your home study so go ahead and get those organized so they are easy to access (birth certificates, marriage certificate, W-2, mortgage statement, pet records, medical exams, vaccine record, previous tax year statement, etc.)
Complete home study and training. Usually, your home study and foster parent training will happen together through your private agency. Luckily, our classes were online so we didn’t have to get childcare, but they were still twice a week for 3 hours each for 4 weeks. That was a pretty stressful time for our family schedule.
Once approved, wait for a placement. Don’t be afraid to say “no” to a placement. We got our first call the week we got approved. It was a baby girl and our children had asked that we accept at least one boy that was a toddler. With our first placement, we wanted to respect their wishes so we said “no” (even though I wanted to say “yes”). We didn’t end up getting a call until a month after that—we said “yes,” but the kid’s caseworker thought it was too far from their home. Then we got 3 calls in 2 days right after that. Even though you want to help these children, you have to be a little selfish and think of the situations that are best for your family. If a foster child is prone to biting, that might not be best if you have little children. Or if you have little girls and a foster boy is acting out sexually because that’s how he got attention in his home that might not be the best match for your family. Your caseworker will do their best to provide you with as much information about each situation as they can, but they might not know much more than the child’s name and age at first.
I’m sure this all seems overwhelming and strenuous—it is! However, everyone is doing the best job they can to make sure these children have safe homes, so they can begin to feel safe, secure, and loved. If you have any questions, concerns, or interest in becoming a foster parent please reach out to me.
