Play-Based Childhood
Image from canva.com
Do you remember growing up and just playing? Almost every day there was some adventure you had outside, especially during summer, with your siblings and/or friends. You would bounce around from neighbors yard to neighbors yard and not return home until you heard your mom calling for you. I remember creating this huge, magical house in a Magnolia tree in my cousins front yard. We would take our baby dolls and kitchen sets out to the tree and setup a different part of the house on each branch. Then we would climb from branch to branch as we played out the story.
Can you recall a time when your kids have played like you did as a child?
What is Free Play?
Unfortunately, many kids don’t play like we used to play as a child. It’s really sad! I just finished reading Jonathan Haidt’s new book, The Anxious Generation (go grab it!), and it shows research about how kids no longer have a play-based childhood—it’s more of a phone-based childhood.
Free play is when kids get to play without adult direction. It’s when they get to make the rules and get creative. They learn how to interact with other kids. They find the solution to their own problems. Free play teaches kids how to avoid dangers like when to not climb any higher in the tree.
Free play allows kids to be exposed to “tough” situations and allows them to learn and build resilience in the process. This type of play allows kids to learn what they are capable of. Kids need to explore heights, speed round, use questionable tools like a hammer, explore dangerous elements like water, take part in a little rough and tumble. This teaches them how to handle risks and know their limits.
What Happened to Free Play?
A couple things happened that led to the decline of a play-based childhood. . .
First, fear happened. In the 1980s, the news began reporting about child abductions and other scary things that many parents (including myself) would do anything to protect their kids from. So, what did parents do? They no longer let kids roam the neighborhood without adult supervision. They forced kids to stay close to their house—maybe even just play in the backyard. They questioned whether it was a good idea for their child to go play at the neighbors because they didn’t know the parent well enough.
This fear continued into the next generation and became more exaggerated. Parents now want to protect their kids from even getting injured, so climbing a tree is out of the question. Having a sword fight with sticks is not going to happen. Monkey bars are iffy.
The second thing that happened is the introduction of screens. With parents being fearful of the outside world, they needed something to entertain their kids. What better opportunity than video games, ipads, or “educational” games? And now kids don’t want to go outside. They would much rather play on a device. An interesting fact…the rate of boys going to the hospital for injuries has significantly declined since 2010. You would think it’s because boys are getting smarter, but no, it’s because they are taking less risks (riding bikes, climbing trees, stupid stunts with their friends) because they are choosing video games, phones, and porn (yes, you read that right) over play instead.
MY Thoughts. . .
I do think a play-based childhood has turned to a more phone-based childhood. I also think kids need the opportunity to play without adult direction. They need time to imagine, create, and problem solve by themselves. I don’t think learning experiences or organized activities led by an adult is bad. I think those experiences can create a special bond between a parent (or caregiver) and child. There just needs to be a balance between the two.
I would like to get a more play-based childhood back for my children, their friends and one day my grandchildren; however, I am fearful of the outside world, but also the virtual world. The news, social media, and everyone else has pushed the scariness of the world for so long it’s hard to believe that there aren’t dangers lurking around every corner. And it’s my job to protect my kids from danger. So, how do I balance this desire to protect and aspiration for freedom?
My favorite quote in the book: “Parents are overprotective of their kids in the real world, but under protective of their kids in the virtual world.”
This quote is so, so true! My kids having access to the virtual world is scarier to me than allowing them to play in the front yard unsupervised. A few things I’m trying to hopefully balance my overprotectiveness and under protectiveness…
Allowing my kids more freedom outside - Before I would stop them from doing things that I thought might cause them harm like climbing too high or playing with gardening tools. Now, I try to let them find their limits with what is scary to them. However, if I see that they are about to cause harm to themselves or someone else, I step in. Now that they are older, I allow them to play in the driveway and front yard unsupervised. They know to look for cars before crossing the street to get a ball. They also know to shout or come inside if a stranger approaches them (I have to remind myself that is very unlikely).
Let my kids be bored - By always providing activities or organized events/sports for our kids they will start to become dependent on us to provide their “playtime.” I tell my kids that it is not my job to entertain them. It’s ok for kids to be bored! This is when they learn to get creative and problem solve. This is when free play is engaged.
Trusting people/friends - My kids are 10, 8, and 6 now and they want to go to their friend’s house to play. If we know the family well, then I will allow my kids to go play at their house without tagging along. Previously, I would go to the play date and stay with my children to supervise and chat with the mom. Sometimes I’ll stay and chat with the mom, but it’s not to supervise the children. However, if we don’t know the family well, then I stay and supervise the play and learn about the family.
No unsupervised Googling or YouTubing - Honestly, we don’t let our kids on Google or YouTube much. But every now and then they have a school research project so I will usually find a few acceptable sites that I have read through before allowing them the opportunity to read through. And with YouTube, they enjoy doing Art Hub for Kids occasionally, so I will pull up a video for them on our family desktop and they know that they are not allowed to click on another video without permission. Unfortunately, I’ve learned that inappropriate things are being hidden within YouTube videos even on YouTube kids, so we just avoid it.
Ask my kids to speak up - When we go places and request something, I ask for them to ask the person for it. So, if we go to a restaurant they are asked to give their order to the waiter. Or if we go to the library and they need help looking for a book they will ask the librarian for help. I think this helps teach them that everyone isn’t scary and it helps them learn how to interact with others. (To counter that, when we go to the airport, I instill a little bit of fear in them and tell them about stranger danger.)
Allow screen time to be on the family desktop - Since my kids are growing up we want to provide them the opportunity to do things on the computer every now and then. So, we have a family computer that’s located in a central space in our home. We allow our kids to do some educational things like learn a new language on Mango Languages, practice typing skills, or practice math facts by playing Math Blasters. However, when they want to play fun games like Sim City, Roller Coaster Tycoon, or Oregon Trail we require that they have 30 minutes of outside time before they have 30 minutes of computer time. Having the computer time on the desktop is beneficial because they aren’t tempted to try to do other things on the computer with so many eyes watching, and it’s less battles to fight when screen time is up because they can’t take the desktop with them to their room.
No smartphone for the first phone - (This is for a few years down the road.) We don’t plan to get our children a phone until they start driving. They don’t need one. We managed just fine as kids without a phone, and they will be fine as well. If they need to get ahold of us there will be a grown up they can ask for a phone. But even when we get our kids a phone, it will be a dumb phone with no internet access. Their brains are not mature enough to handle unlimited freedom to the virtual world, so it is my job to overprotect them in this area.
