Parenting Without Screaming - Part 4
It’s scary to think that our little ones, that are currently so dependent on us, will one day venture off into the real world without us (cue the waterworks). They will go out into the world making their own decisions, learning from their mistakes, and becoming self-sufficient. We want our children to succeed once they go off on their own, so we have to be proactive in our parenting today to ensure they are ready for life outside our home.
LESSON 4: Our Actions Today Will Produce Results Later
You’re probably thinking, how does this lesson have anything to do with screaming. I promise, it does! Just hang with me.
Our goal as parents is to raise self-directed children that will one day leave the nest and become self-sufficient adults. But we need to create a space in our home for our children to learn these skills in a safe environment (without us screaming at them). Our job is to teach them our valued principles and then provide them with the opportunity to make choices. Without the opportunity to make mistakes in a safe environment then our children are likely to make choices out of fear of being yelled at or become rebellious.
Teaching our children our values and morals is a continuous training opportunity. They will do great some days, and struggle other days. But we have to give them room to make decisions on their own, and remain calm when they mess up. They will mess up because they are still learning (we still mess up because we are still learning). But by choosing to calm ourselves when they make a mistake we are communicating that their separation from us is ok (even though it breaks our heart) and that our respect for them is growing.
Ways to Show Respect for Young Children
1. Respect space and privacy. Allow children to close doors when they are changing or using the restroom, and knock before entering. When your children get older, you could even allow them to play behind a closed door—sometimes they just need some alone time. (I never recommend allowing children to have a screen behind a closed door.)
2. Respect choices. Allow your children to choose their clothes (even if they don’t match). Let your kids spend their allowance how they want without giving your opinion.
3. Don’t ask why. You do not need to know they motivation behind their mistake—often times they don’t even know the motivation behind their mistake, so don’t ask.
4. Allow your kids to disagree with you. Give them the chance to disagree, respectfully. Teach them how to disagree in a respectful manner. Listen to their argument (they might surprise you with a reasonable response).
5. Be attentive. When your child comes to speak to you stop what you are doing (phone, dishes, laundry, work, etc.) and focus on what they need to tell you.
What are some ways you show respect to your children? Email me to share.
The more opportunities we provide our children to practice being self-directed in a safe space the more likely they are to succeed in the real world. Having someone who calmly corrects their missteps is a greater motivator than being beat down with a loud, overpowering voice. Which would motivate you more? Let’s team up together to change for the better! Let’s cheer each other on as we strive to change our behavior from screaming to supporting.
