Mother and Daughter Relationships
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When I found out I was pregnant with my daughter I was terrified. Raising a girl scared me—it still does (but not quite as much). You would think that since I’m a girl, raising a girl would appeal to me. I grew up with boys and I had only raised boys so far, so I thought I had boys down. (Come to find out I was worn—read more HERE).
What I have learned with raising my daughter is that girls and boys are way different! It’s so evident that there is a different chemical makeup between boys and girls. When my children go to Walmart to peruse the Lego aisle, my sons pick out sets based on how difficult or cool looking it is, but my daughter picks out a set based on the people in the set.
Girls are relational. They desire that connection with other people….especially their mom. I remember my daughter when she was just a few months old, her eyes connected with my eyes and she just started gurgling and “talking” away. Since our daughters desire this connection so deeply, we need to make sure we are intentional to nurture and strengthen our daughter. After all, we are her first teacher and probably the most influential one she will ever have.
Our daughters are watching our every move. She is checking to see if you are kind to your neighbor or bashing them behind their back. Are you financially generous? Does she see you apologize for your mistakes? Does she witness you pray with her? Basically does your talk match your walk? She’s watching us to determine the kind of woman she wants to grow up to be—are you a positive influence or negative influence?
Your Role As Mom:
You are the boss. Yes, you want to have a loving, caring, and sweet relationship with your daughter, but you are not her best friend. She needs you to be her parent. God gave you the job of being her parent. She needs you to set boundaries so she can feel safe and loved. These boundaries will help her to learn your wisdom and guidance that they will need in adulthood.
Be a listener. Just like my daughter when she was a baby, girls want to share their thoughts, feelings, troubles, and desires with you. Be there to listen. Offer advice if asked, but just be there to listen (like we want our husbands to do).
Be honest with her. Offer her honest, age-appropriate , stories from your life or real facts that will help her as she navigates through life. Your daughter will appreciate your honesty and know she can trust you.
Guide her. God has given your daughter many talents. Help her discover her talents and use them to glorify Him. Try new things together to help her discover her talents. Help guide her in what good qualities to look for in a friend and eventually boyfriend. There will be many situations that arise where she will need guidance, so offer sound wisdom without dictating her decision.
Build her up. The world will do its part to tear your daughter down. Build her up so that she knows without a doubt that she was perfectly designed by the almighty Creator. Help her feel confident in her body so she feels pretty when she dresses modestly.
Pray with her and pray for her. You and your daughter are going to need prayer throughout your relationship. Help her know she can trust the Lord to be there in her time of need.
You are your daughter’s mother. This was not a mistake. God chose you to be her mother. Even though we will mess up, He knew that you were the right woman for this job. So, our daughters needs us to walk the walk and talk the talk. Our daughters need us to be there for them. They need us to connect with them. And they need us to pray for them.
