Disagreements in Marriage
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And they lived happily ever after….
Does that mean there won’t be disagreements, quarrels, or frustrations?
It would be so much easier if “happily ever after” meant no fighting, but that’s just not reality.
When two people spend a lot of time together there will eventually be disagreements (even siblings, friends, parents and children will have disagreements) because you just can’t agree on every single thing. My hubby and I disagreed on how many feet should be between some trees we were installing the other day (silly I know, but grown-up problems). It’s healthy to have your own views and opinions.
It’s how you and your husband respond and react to those differences that will be a true testimony to your marriage. I believe it’s healthy for your children to witness you and your husband having a disagreement. When I say disagreement, I’m not talking about a yelling match, belittling argument, or one person trying to control the other.
When we disagreed about tree placement we didn’t yell at each other about how he wanted the trees 9 feet apart and I wanted them 11 feet apart. We calmly stated why we each had our opinion and we listened to the other person’s opinion. And then I won….no I’m joking! And then we took some time to think about it before we came to a conclusion.
It’s likely your children will witness you and your husband have a disagreement. If or when they do see this, let them see the entire disagreement. Let them see how you handle yourself when you disagree, how you talk to each other, how you work through the differences, and how you come to a solution or compromise. It’s healthy for your children to see a disagreement that is respectful where both parties listen to each other, process what is said, gives a respectful response, and together come to a solution or compromise.
Our kids are going to face disagreements in their lives—with us, their friends, their siblings, and even their significant others. Our marriage should be an example to them about how to work through those disagreements in a loving and respectful way. They need to witness the beginning to the end (you don’t have to call them to watch a disagreement though). It could be very confusing for them if they see the beginning of the disagreement, but then you and your husband work through the solution after the kids go to bed. They will miss how you got to the solution, and then later have a hard time figuring out how to resolve conflict with a friend or sibling.
If you and your hubby need help resolving conflicts when your opinions clash, check out these books…
