Our Responsibility as a Wife

Last week, we talked about God’s design for marriage—how God designed men and women equally, but with unique respective roles. Men are to lead, and women are to be a helper.

Adam was lonely. He couldn’t find a suitable match among the animals, so God put Adam in a deep sleep, removed one of his ribs, and created Eve. God created Eve from Adam’s own flesh because God intended for Eve to be a partner and helper for Adam. When Adam awoke, he was presented with a gift from God, a woman. God asked Adam to name the woman so that Adam would cherish her. They were in harmony—Adam was leading and Eve was helping.

Let’s dig a little deeper into these roles of wives and husbands….

“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church…Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” Ephesians 5:22-23, 25

“Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.” Colossians 3:18-19

“Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands…Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way…” 1 Peter 3:1, 7

The verses above can be misconstrued for men to exploit women, but that is NOT what these verses are telling us!

The verses above help us to understand that wives should submit to their husbands. This isn’t like a master and servant type of submission though. Submit can be a harsh, demeaning word, and that’s not what God intended. This is a voluntary action to choose to encourage, support, and be a helper to your husband out of respect for him. Just like you choose to gladly and joyfully serve God, you should also willingly “submit” to your husband.

A husband’s leadership of his wife is about authority and responsibility just like Jesus has authority and responsibility for His church. Jesus voluntarily submitted Himself to the authority of God by becoming flesh, but yet He was God’s equal as well. And as a reward for His submission, He was highly exalted (Philippians 2:6-9). Husbands should consider their wives as equal partners worthy of honor.

Let’s get a little more practical with our roles in marriage. Let’s talk about a real-life decision. Married couples never argue ;) but if they did, let’s break it down to see how the above responsibilities play out in real life.

Let’s say you and your husband are discussing your children’s education, and you can’t seem to come to an agreement. You’ve talked about it, prayed about it, and even come up with pros and cons lists, but still can’t come to an agreement.

Some men might think, “I’m the man of this house, so we are doing what I say.” But is that really an attitude that honors your wife as an equal?

Some women might think, “I’m going to get my way, or I’m going to make him regret it.” But does this attitude show your husband respect?

So how do you maintain a harmonious marriage in the midst of disagreements?

Wives, take a deep breath and don’t worry about it. You get a free pass!! The responsibility is off your shoulders. Let me explain…

Husbands are the leaders of your home. The ultimate decision is theirs.

Most husbands treat you like an equal and listen to your input and advice, but the ultimate decision is theirs. It’s a huge responsibility they have taken on as head of the household. So, after they have listened to your input and considered the options, they might actually choose to take your route for your children’s education. And if it goes great, then it’s a win for both of you (wives—don’t rub it in their face). However, if he chooses your route and it goes terribly, then he takes the blame because it was his call (don’t blame him for making a bad decision). Even though your husband makes the final decision, you rejoice or suffer together because you are equal, corresponding partners.

It feels kind of nice to get a free pass on decision-making, but it also makes me more sympathetic to the responsibility that is on my husband’s shoulders and makes me want to be a better helper to him.

Next week, we will talk about something silly my husband and I heard in our wedding ceremony.