How to Manage This New Normal
Coronavirus has changed everything. You were a mom that might’ve worked outside the home, or a mom who had a little one in preschool, or a mom who had the occasional play date with friends, but then in one day you had to accept the position of mom, homemaker, teacher and possibly even a full-time employee. Trust me, I understand that this new normal can be overwhelming and stressful, but Coronavirus might’ve also gifted us with a blessing in disguise. So how do we turn the chaos into manageable? How do we turn the overwhelming into a blessing?
I am a work-from-home mom. I have two little ones at home with me. I also have a child who attends school, but is now home. However, my child that was in school attended a hybrid school where he goes to school twice a week and then “homeschools” the other three days. I tell you this to say that I have been fortunate to manage this kind of schedule for quite some time and want to share some helpful tips that have made our days productive (for everyone), happy, and a little less stressful.
Tips to Manage This New Normal:
1. Give yourself and your kids grace. This is my most valuable piece of advice! You are trying to figure out all of these new jobs. It’s not easy, and you can’t be perfect at each thing every day, so forgive yourself when you mess up. You might even have days when you need to ask your kids for forgiveness because you raise your voice out of frustration; if or when you have days like that, acknowledge that you messed up and need forgiveness for your actions. Your children will appreciate honesty!
In the same respect, your children are learning their new normal too so give them grace. They are going to have bad days and need your forgiveness.
2. Don’t control your kids. Go with me on this! Your kids are responsible for themselves; their lives are their own. If we act like it is our job to solve their problems (school, sports, extracurricular activities, friends) then we reinforce that someone else is responsible for doing the work and they aren’t going to try their best. There goes their internal motivation. So, be supportive, but not controlling. This does not mean that kids get to make all the calls…see below.
3. Give your child the opportunity to make decisions. We want them to make informed decisions, but we have to teach them to do so. In order to teach this let them make small decisions like what clothes they wear, which school assignment to do first, which veggie they want to eat with lunch, etc. Offer them 2-3 choices, but be sure to enforce your rules. By giving your child a sense of control then they can learn how to make good decisions.
Ask your child, “Is there something you think you should be responsible for that you currently are not?” You might be surprised by what they say. After I asked my kids this question my oldest said that he wanted to make his own lunch, so each day he does (I give him choices for healthy sides). My younger children saw him take control of his lunch and insisted that they be in charge of their lunch too. I have one less meal to make each day, and they are so proud of themselves…win, win!
4. Explain the importance of a task then give them the freedom to complete it. This was a hard concept for me to go “all in” on—I didn’t want to give up that control, but once I did the “homework wars” came to a halt, and it was glorious!
I explained to my son that from now on he was responsible for his schoolwork. I teach him the lessons and I am available for questions, but he is responsible for completing the work before dinner each day. He is able to take breaks whenever he would like (no special things like visits to the library, movie, or play dates with friends until work is complete). If he completes his work…super! If he does not complete his work on time, then he does not get to eat dinner until it is complete, or if he chooses not to do it for the day then he has to explain to his teacher why he is not turning in his work (this consequence was hard for me be ok with, but I had to realize he is responsible for his life and needs to build his internal motivation).
Allowing him to be responsible for his own works helps him take pride in his work, makes him responsible, gives him control, builds his internal motivation, and allows me not to be the bad guy that tries to control him. This concept can be applied to chores also.
5. Help your children learn to play independently. Independent play is a great way for your child to learn to problem solve and thinking creatively. They must solve the problem of figuring out how to entertain themselves. Help coach them in this process by explaining that for the next 15 minutes they will need to play by themselves and not come to you (unless for an emergency) to ask questions or show you things. You can explain that they can read, build a tower, play dolls, craft, or do puzzles. After the 15 minute timer goes off then you will gladly come see what they have been doing during their play time. Extend the time by 5 minutes every other day. This will allow you to complete some things on your to-do list.
6. Wake up earlier than kids. Waking up before your kids can help you start the day on the right foot. You can get ready, practice gratitude, and cross off a few items on your to-do list in the peace and quiet of the morning. This is usually my most productive time of day. I’m not a morning person by trade, but I found that if I get up before my kids and get started with my day then my day is typically more productive and flows smoothly than if I were to sleep in.
7. Develop a schedule. Schedules give everyone structure. You probably have a schedule when you are at work and your child probably has a schedule to follow when they are at school, so help bring that same structure into your home. Your schedule doesn’t have to be a strict hourly schedule. I like to block out certain times of the day for tasks—this is called time blocks. I have certain task I need to complete in a chunk of time. For example, I have a “before kids wake up time” block (usually 4:30am-8am) where I get ready, practice gratitude, and work. Instead of saying from 4:30am-4:40am I will practice gratitude, I give myself some flexibility and don’t feel like a failure if I don’t finish my gratitude at 4:40am on the dot.
I know this new normalcy can be challenging, but remember that we are all in this together! Do your best! If things get too overwhelming or stressful always pick to connect, snuggle, hug, or play with your child over a school assignment, folding laundry, or a work email. Turn this chaos into a blessing to grow and connect with your family. What is one special family bonding moment you have had with your loved ones during quarantine? Email me to share!
I am here if you need to reach out to me for encouragement or support!
