How to Heal From Mom Burn-Out
Have you heard of the phrase “mom burn-out?” It sounds like a made up phrase, right? But it’s not—I have personally been affected by mom burn-out. And I know many other moms that have had a bout with it too especially now when there is currently so much pressure on them with their families being home and relying on them for more things. If you are weathering mom burn-out right now, let me reassure you that you can make it through this and your days can be filled with sunshine again!
What is Mom Burn-Out?
Basically, you feel like you are in a funk. You feel blah and not your normal self. You lose your motivation or passion to do the things you once loved doing (cooking dinner, playing with your children, working out, reading, etc.). You are physically, mentally, and emotionally drained.
Signs of Mom Burn-Out
Here are some signs that you might be in the midst of mom burn-out or headed straight for it:
1. Your days run together. You feel like you are constantly trying to play catch-up on your to-do list, so you find yourself just going through the motions day-after-day.
2. You become physically ill. You may get more headaches, stomachaches, flu-like aches or just feel drained. This is a sign that your body needs to slow down.
3. Become overly emotional. You know your normal emotional response to stimulants, so if you find yourself overreacting more frequently, like crying about things that normally wouldn’t make you cry, yelling at your kids more often, becoming easily angered, snapping at your husband for silly things that wouldn’t normally bother you, then you are probably overly stressed which can lead to burn-out.
4. You feel like there isn’t time for you. You might feel like you are too busy focusing on kids, household things, work, etc. that it’s not worth it to find time for the things you love like going to the gym, crafting, reading, catching up with friends.
5. Mom-Guilt sets in. You begin questioning all of your decisions in a regretful manner, like “why didn’t a breastfeed longer?” “Did I pick the right school?” “Was it a good idea to start potty training?”
6. You could go days without a shower. Your personal hygiene seems to get pushed to the side while you focus on your children. Showering, brushing teeth, shaving legs, or changing your clothes are critical in helping you maintain a healthy well-being and feel good about yourself.
7. Forcing happiness. If you are having difficulty smiling or laughing or finding things to be genuinely happy about then you might be struggling with burn-out.
8. Exhaustion. Physical, mental or emotional exhaustion that is overwhelming and prevents you from doing anything during the day may mean you are facing burn-out.
What Causes Mom Burn-Out?
Some of the above signs might resonate with you, but what would cause you to feel these feelings or show these symptoms? Here are a few causes. It doesn’t have to be just one of these things that lead to mom burn-out. It can be a combination of these things.
1. Not getting enough sleep. I know this is hard for a lot of moms especially those with tiny humans, but the longer you try to survive on just a few hours of sleep each night the harder it becomes to enjoy being a mom. So take care of yourself.
2. Working too much. If you work out of the home, inside the home, or are currently thrown into a teaching position then all of these responsibilities can become stressful and overwhelming. It’s hard to set boundaries between all of these jobs, and so you tend to overwork yourself.
3. Trying to do it all on your own. Sometimes you think you are a bad mom if you ask for help from your spouse or grandparents, but that’s not true. It’s ok to accept help when it is offered or needed.
4. You have unrealistic expectations. You can become out of balance by comparing yourself to other “perfect” moms you see on social media, but no mom is perfect. So don’t stress yourself out trying to be perfect—just do your best at being your best version.
5. Neglecting other relationships. Children take a lot of energy and attention, which can lead to you neglecting your friendships or marriage. This can lead to feeling like you don’t have anyone to confide in or lean on. Just like your children need play dates, you do too—either with your husband or girlfriends. I know it’s not so easy right now, but get creative with a date after the kids go to bed or during naptime or even have a girl’s night on Zoom—order takeout and chat it up!
6. You aren’t having fun. I think this what led to my burnout. I have a type-A personality where the house needs to be clean, I need to get all of my work done, I need to provide home cooked meals for my family, I need to provide daily enriching activities for each of my children, and the list goes on. I got lost in marking off things on my to-do list that I forgot to focus on enjoying my time and having fun.
How to Heal From Mom Burn-Out
There is a way to heal from feeling burned out. There is hope! I healed from burn-out, so I know you can as well!
I’ll share my #1 most valuable tool I used to heal from burn-out…
I had lost all motivation to work, play with my kids, cook dinner, just everything. (Read more here) My husband and I had been listening to podcasts and they causally kept mentioning how the guest practices gratitude daily through mediation. My husband began to add this practice to his morning routine. After a few weeks I began to notice a change in his attitude and appreciation for me and our children. He volunteered to take over dish duty for me (which he had not done in the 8 years we had been married), he was more patient, and just seemed happier. Based on his transformation I decided I would give meditation a try—what could it hurt?
I tried it for about a week—I would wake up early, sit in a quiet spot for 10 minutes, and focus on 3 things I was grateful for during that time. I could tell my mind was starting to change. Instead of finding the negative of each part of my day, I was seeking out things to be grateful for during my next meditation time.
Even though meditation was helping to get me out of my funk, I noticed that my thoughts would often wander during that time, so I decided to start journaling to help keep me focused. By shifting my mind to find the good in my days I noticed an improvement in my patience, I was more optimistic, I was responding to my children rather than reacting, I didn’t stress about the small things, and I appreciated my loved ones even more. Practicing gratitude has made me much more mentally strong—strong enough to survive 2 miscarriages in 2019.
I believe in the power of practicing daily gratitude so much that I created a journal for other moms that I use every morning myself called The Full Life Gratitude Journal for Moms. (I prefer the hardcover book.) This journal has inspirational quotes, bible verses, and challenges. You have 3 spots to write down your daily gratitudes, a goal for the day that will help you feel accomplished, long-term goal, daily affirmations for encouragement for yourself, daily prayer or reflection spot, and then at the end of each day I reflect on something I learned and a win I had for the day.
There are other ways to heal from mom burn-out, but I truly believe practicing gratitude is what pulled me out of my funk.
Other Ways to Heal From Mom Burn-Out
1. Don’t isolate yourself. Stay connected to your spouse and your friends. Reach out to loved ones and ask for help when needed.
2. Take a social media diet. Limit your time on social media so you don’t see others and begin to feel bad about yourself. This can be a fuel to the fire. Delete the apps from your phone, if needed. (I do this each weekend.) Use the time you normally would scroll social media to take a walk, have a facial, or read a book.
3. Limit your choices. We tend to over research things because we want the very best for our kids. So we try to find the best school, car seat, stroller, sport, etc., but the more choices we make for ourselves the more stress we put on ourselves too. So limit your options to three choices at a time—three car seats you’re interested in, not 16.
4. Do something for yourself. Take care of you. Choose to do something for you, whether it’s working out, having a girl’s night, taking a shower, reading a book for 30 minutes, or pursuing your passion.
5. Don’t avoid intimacy with your partner. This does not mean just through sex (but that can be a great stress reliever). Connect with your husband mentally and emotionally too. Make the time to talk to each other and make eye contact with each other.
