Finding Balance with Screens

Does your toddler have a complete meltdown—sobbing, begging for more time, kicking, screaming, falling to the floor—each time you end screen time? My son used to do the same thing! That’s how I knew there was a problem, and we needed to make a change.

I needed to find balance between real-life experiences and screen-time for my son to minimize meltdowns (at least meltdowns from ending screen-time). But before I could correct his behavior, I needed to take a good, honest look at myself. Was I being a good role model? Was I setting a good example, or did he want to be on a device because he saw me on my phone all the time? If I answer truthfully, I was not being a good role model. I was trapped by my phone! My phone was always in my hand or right beside me. Every time I heard a notification, I would check it immediately. I would open the screen just to see if I missed something even though my phone was beside me the whole time.

If I was going to expect changes from my son, then I needed to make changes too.

Changes I made to become a good “screen-free role model:”

·         Turn off all notifications for social media

·         Leave all digital devices on the counter (or in a purse) during meal time

·         Place my phone across the room during sleeping hours

·         Use a wall clock and wrist watch so I wouldn’t have to check my phone for the time

·         Set Downtime hours on my phone settings. This allows certain apps to not open during the hours I pick and keeps all notifications from showing until after the set hours.

·         Turn on Do Not Disturb during sleeping hours to allow for a more restful sleep

These changes were not easy, which shows how consumed by my phone I really was, but I knew I needed to make these changes before I could implement some changes for my son. I didn’t apply all of these changes overnight. I started with phone free dinners and turning off social media notifications, then added items over the next several months.

Ways I helped balance my son’s screen-time:

·         Replaced tablet and phone time with new, engaging activities (Ex. puzzles, reading, board games, Legos, library trips, and activity time). This is when I began to create the daily activities from my books to use in place of screen-time. My son, and all of my children, has learned so much more from our activity time together than he ever learned on any “educational” apps. We get quality time together, he is learning, and we are both having fun (and it’s little to no prep)!

·         Make a routine. My son already had an eating/sleeping routine, but we didn’t really have a structure to the time in-between eating and sleeping. So we started scheduling our activity time, library trips, and errands for the mornings and play time in the afternoons. Please don’t think we had a strict schedule that we firmly followed. Our new routine helped us to know what to plan for and to expect each day to prevent us from turning to a digital device to fill the time.

·         Connect with people. We set up play dates, went to classes at the library, and played on playgrounds. We also started eating dinner at the table instead of the couch. Emotional connections are built when eye contact is made 60-70% during a conversation, but adults today only make eye contact between 30-60% of the time.

·         No screens 2 days a week. We made a rule to not watch TV or play on a screen 2 days a week, each week. We no longer have tablets or iPads, so we apply this rule to watching TV. This was a hard adjustment at first, but it gets easier. There are still 5 other days in the week to watch TV, but somehow 2 days feels like a big “sacrifice.”

·         Get in nature. Let a kid be a kid and explore outside. Let their curiosity run wild. Let them take risks. Let them get dirty. All of these things we did as kids, and are better for it. Let your child have the same opportunity you did to create wonderful memories in nature.

·         Opt-out at school. When my son started preschool I was handed a technology waiver to sign stating I agreed to let him play educational games on the teacher’s iPad. I did not sign it—you do not have to sign it! It is your right, as a parent, to make the decision to choose hands-on learning over device “learning.”

There will be blowback from your toddler or preschooler. There will be irritability. There will be anxiety. There will probably even be tears (from you and your child). But stay strong! You can learn to find balance with screens for you and your child. What tricks do you use, for yourself or your preschooler, to balance screen-time? I’d love to hear what tricks you have and how you find balance at home, so email me please.